A little different but here it goes. Since you are inside my head already, you will hear the Cheat Codes song playing as I am writing this...

I was President Elect for the Professional Women of Winston Salem for two years before moving to Charlotte. It was an amazing group of women and I absolutely loved being a part of this organization. I learned a lot about myself, my leadership style and my own personal drive to make things happen in my community. Yesterday, I made it down to Winston-Salem to hear a panel of speakers on Sex, Sleep and Stress... UM HELLO???? Could we block out half the day to talk about this??? As a working mom with a one year old and a surgical resident for a husband... I need more than an hour to dig through my issues.

one of my greatest joys is witnessing my peers or people within my sphere find success in life. I am not a super vocal person for men versus women and equal rights and blah blah blah, because I don't have a serious cat in that fight (I am passionate about many other things); however, I do love seeing women stand up with a voice different from the status quo. Every now and then, I have dialed in to Amy Schumer's show and nearly died laughing watching her on HBO at the Apollo Theater.

“I just think sex is explained incorrectly as far as men’s and women’s roles go. We are all told over and over again that men love sex — and that women just deal with it. Like [in] every sitcom, it’s always the guy getting home from work and saying, ‘honey, how about tonight, eh?’ and she’s always like, ‘blehhh, you know I hate your d***! (Laundry, laundry, laundry.)’” - Amy Schumer in her infinite wisdom

What makes her so incredible is that she can be SO off the wall with some things (some of her sketches are just outrageous), but more importantly, so genuine.

My husband, bless him, on a typical rotation can work from 6AM until 10PM. He will come home some nights and we won't get in to bed until midnight. On more occasion than one, bless him, Eli has been stirring around in the room next to us, Brett needs to get up in four hours and he will roll over in hot pursuit of some intimacy. Me, staring at him dead in the face, "Are you kidding me right now?"

In reference to Amy's comment above, I am not saying "Are you kidding me" because I am some a-sexual human that hates sex. Quite the contrary. I think women love to be pursued, especially when it is by the man that loves and cares deeply for them, because at that point it is more than physical, it is emotional (which, in my opinion, is how women more commonly experience love). I am no different, I love to be pursued and to be made to feel beautiful, special and important, by my husband. Because we work so hard and are so busy, our time together is something very special that I cherish.

Here is a major issue. I think that women carry a lot. In my case, I work outside the home, we have a baby, two dogs, I manage the household, our finances, etc. Many women are in the sandwich generation where they now have to care for both their own children and aging parents. When my husband comes home at the end of the day, he is done. As a mom, our job never ends. Earlier this week, Brett was home earlier than usual. Eli had just finished eating dinner and was walking around the living room playing with dog toys and TV remotes. I was busy cleaning the kitchen and getting food prepped for Brett and me to eat once Eli went to bed. I walked into the living room and Brett was on the couch dozing off... "Um, are you kidding me right now?"

Here's a tip, if you want your wife/partner to be excited about intimacy, help make her life easier by helping out around the house and with the little ones. These things have to get done before you can "do the do" so ... be a part of the solution. I think women would be living in denial if they think, "I will create a chores list where he will do his stuff and I will do mine". I don't think you can plan life out that much and I know that at the end of a 15 hour day, my husband is not "with it" enough to think, "Oh, let me help my wife unload the dishwasher". It takes me saying... "Hey babe, come help me knock some house stuff out so we can knock boots later" followed by a wink and an air kiss. Usually does the trick! ;-)

Potentially, an equal issue. Many women have body image issues (another post for another day). ALL DAY EVERY DAY we are presented with magazine covers, celebrities, Instagram fitness and fashion personalities with these amazing bodies, perfect hair, flat abs and boobs round like two perfect little melons. I'm also pretty sure that the ASS is en vogue these days (which I am okay with... you can build a butt). cut off shorts and butt cheeks are all over the place... So we have that to look at too. I mean, if I am a woman looking at these pictures thinking, "Yeah, I'd be into that" then doesn't that mean my husband is thinking the same thing?

Anyhow... so, late at night, after you just sat down to eat dinner and vegetate after work ... not really a sexy time ... Your spouse/partner pursues you and your full belly. Mentally... that sets a woman up for failure. I am 5'2''... Food doesn't have much room. I can eat a plate of watermelon and it looks like i am 4 months pregnant. She feels insecure because she is full and not feeling her best, and she is tired from a long day.

Here are a few tips:

Be in tune enough with your significant other to know if they feel insecure. Remind them of how beautiful/handsome they are and that you love them deeply for who they are.
If they are trying to reach physical goals, be a part of the solution, not the problem. Help motivate them with their exercise goals by encouraging them to get up early in the morning when the alarm is going off.
Don't be a bad influence by ordering pizza three nights in a row over the weekend. Encourage going to the grocery store and cooking a healthy meal together.
Have sex BEFORE dinner. Wild hair... maybe somewhere other than the bedroom... just saying.

Sex is one of the main reasons why couples argue and frequently leads to divorce. There was certainly a spark, a flame, a freaking Fourth of July fireworks show when you originally met and fell for your significant other. Just because you are married, working your tail off and have a kid or two does not mean that A) your wife is some a-sexual Temptress that hates sex or B) that your sex life is a lost cause. No... your wife is a rock star and makes your life possible. there are just some obstacles in the way. Be a part of the solution.

Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be...

-IV

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby!